Monday, June 22, 2009

How to wipe a poopy bum

Pregnant, nauseated, sensitive to smell, style:
(Not to be confused with the quick, easy process that we used pre-pregnancy)

1. Answer child screaming, "I need some help in wiping!"
2. Enter bathroom holding breath.
3. Gag anyway.
4. Grab spray and hose down the bathroom. (No fakey floral spray, only the real citrus stuff works).
5. Flush the toilet. (Hold on to the child so she doesn't get sucked down).
6. Gag because you just caught a glimpse of what was going down.
7. Listen to child imitate the gagging she hears all day.
8. Grab a wipe (or two, or three, or four) and proceed.
9. Continue gagging.
10. Flush again.
11. Instruct child in pulling up pants and washing hands.
12. Gag one more time, for good measure.

How to wipe a poopy bum at JC Penney:

Same procedure as above. Insert the following without the benefit of citrus spray:

*Throw away accident filled panties.
*Leave the dinner you just ate in the toilet.
*Rush to the girl's department to buy emergency panties.
*Cry a little.
*Lots more gagging.

5 comments:

Kelly said...

Oh Bethany! That's just awful! I'm so sorry!

Andrea said...

Yum! Sacrafices for our children start before we even meet them don't they! I remember a lot of gagging with all the nasty hospital sites and smells. Ewwwww!!! Here's hoping trimester 2 goes better for ya!

summer said...

Well that's one way to find out! Congratulations! I'm so excited for you and can't wait to see you again!
Oh and sorry for your experience ;(

Princess Jessie Pants said...

Oh my!! :( I'm sorry. That's terrible.

Andrea said...

You are too funny ... I can just picture the whole thing!

Hoping for "fresher" days in the coming weeks :).