Thursday, September 16, 2010


I'm feeling a bit disconnected.

I'm feeling disconnected because I deactivated my facebook profile. I'm not complaining. I don't know how you all manage it, but for me, facebook is a major time-sucker. "Just checking" always turned into at least 15-20 minutes of browsing. And not just 15-20 minutes a day, but 15-20 minutes several times a day. Considering how little free time I have these days, when re-evaluating how to manage my time better, it was obvious that my beloved FB had to go. All in all I'm on the computer FAR less these days, and that also means I'm missing out on all the updates from my friends. I miss the days when the only way we knew what was going on with our friends was to pick up the phone or get together.

I'm feeling disconnected because I have to spend so much time at home. It's a mixed blessing. I love staying at home and I don't even mind going days without leaving the house. I'm a homebody and I find the daily routine much less stressful if I don't have to fit in an outing. But I miss the days when it was just Claire and I and leaving the house wasn't a major production that had to be squeezed in between bottles and naps.

I'm feeling disconnected because Jeff is so busy. He's not home a lot more than normal the next few months, and when he is home, he's still so busy. The few minutes of conversation we get each day are usually about his work or the kids and are always filled with a plethora of interruptions. I miss the days when it was just Jeff and I and we had the time (and quiet) for our conversations to evolve and move past "How was your day, dear?"

I'm feeling disconnected because God hasn't been my centerpiece. He's been a lovely lamp. Glowing, warm, inviting, helpful... but on the end table. I miss the days when I was on fire.

I'm missing a lot of things. I'm not complaining, because all the things I miss can be mine. I'm blessed beyond measure but I still want more.

To my dear friends and family: I'll miss your smiling FB profiles, but I look forward to our real conversations. Let's have patience, Sam's baby days will soon be drawing to an end and our play-dates, lunches, girl's night out and other get-togethers will resume.

To my dear husband: I look forward to dates, vacation and kids sleeping over at grandma's.

To my dear Lord: I know you're still working on me.


Kelly said...

Oh my friend, what beautiful words. Straight from the heart! I miss you too! We do need to get together very,very soon! Sam can nap here or I can bring my whirlwind of crazy there.
I'll babysit so you & Jeff can go out on a date, even if it's a lunchdate. Bring the kids over to play!
I'm praying for you today! I'll call you when I get back for sure!

Andrea @ Knitty Bitties said...

Funny, but I'm feeling a tiny bit of that too. I've been stuck in bed or my sewing room for 2 weeks and before that I was sewing, sewing, sewing. I'm in a new season of life too and it does take work to figure it out and accept what is and how to make the most of it.
I'm glad your heart knows what it needs and your working to make that happen for you.
I'll try to call you more and we need some mama/sam lunch dates too.
Hey, maybe E and I could have a sleepover one of the weekends Jeff is gone in October?!?
Have a great weekend as you look forward to a great week UNPLUGGED and TOGETHER in the HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH!!


Jeff said...

It's ironic that I'm reading this at the Minneapolis airport. I wish I had friends to feel disconnected from; you should try it, it's very freeing (just kidding).

I hear you and feel it too. It's hard not to feel like roommates when your husband is only home for 12 days in a month! I'm blessed that when I am home, even if I'm working, I still get to enjoy my kids and at the very least, have those sporadic, fragmented conversations with you in between. But you have to do all of the dirty work to keep us running smoothly and I'm thankful for that. Although I'm still traveling a lot, the work for 2010 will be done this week and we'll have a few months of quiet.

I'm praying for you and our little family. Loads of love from the Land of 10,000 Retards.

summer said...

Well said. nearly brought me to tears. almost called you but it's 10pm. inspired by your desire to do the right things. i'll be in touch soon!