Last night of dreamed of crochet

Yesterday I had a whole two hours to myself. Two hours to watch Bright Star and do a little crochet. I love this movie. The scene at the end, the most convincing crying scene I've even seen, gets me every time. But strange as it sounds, I couldn't keep my eyes off the crochet.

I did a little googling to discover that Sophie Digard created the pieces used in this movie.

The textures, colors, design... divine. So, I dreamed about crocheting pieces as beautiful as hers. All night long. And when I found this pattern, that reminds me a bit of Sophie's work, I just knew I had to add it to my super-long list of things I want to crochet for myself.

I had a great post...

I had a great post started for you. A post full of updates and photos. A llloooooonngg post. A post I'll probably never finish. But here's what I really want to share on Valentines. I saw this quote today, and I just love it. It reminds me of the pre-marital counseling Jeff and I did. Pastor Everett told us that love is a choice, not an emotion. It's that one wise statement that has gotten us through more rough patches than just about anything else. This quote shares that wisdom:

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because, that is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being 'in love' which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

-St. Augustine

Now we're getting somewhere

Finally... I can see a light at the end of the tunnel!

The day Sam was born I was already counting down the days to having my body back. Losing weight, sleeping well, feeling well, getting back to a pre-baby me. But my road to getting back has been agonizingly slow. No weight loss, still no sleep, feeling pretty crappy and just discouraged by it all. I've been reading books, blogs and websites desperately seeking some answers. I've tried a few different approaches to my diet and have had mixed results. After nearly a month of head to toe unexplained itching (causing me to lose hours of sleep every night) I resigned myself to going to the doctor. Let me tell you, I HATE GOING TO THE DOCTOR! I hate that the usual 5 minute appointment results in a prescription for medications that I really don't want to take. Medicine has it's place, but in general I don't buy into the "A Pill for Every Ill". So, knowing I needed an answer, but not being able to bring myself to make another useless appointment, I searched for a new doctor. An N.M.D. to be specific. I feel so fortunate to have found Dr. Rodgers at Boise Natural Health. Can you believe that our first visit was 2 hours long?! And I walked away with a tentative plan, a few supplements, and not a single medication. Today I had my follow-up visit. What a mixture of being overwhelmed and encouraged. My blood work revealed that I am deficient in Vitamin D (easy enough to remedy with a supplement), but also that I am allergic to... hold on to your hats, people...

• Casein
• Cheese (Cheddar, Cottage, Mozzarella)
• Milk (Cow & Goat)
• Whey
• Yogurt
• Eggs
• Banana
• Cranberry
• Pineapple
• Crab
• Oyster
• Almond
• Lima Bean
• Corn
• Peanut
• Rye
• Sesame Seed
• Spelt
• Whole Wheat
• Asparagus

Yikes! Enter, overwhelmed.

So, I've got some major diet changes to make. Like going dairy-free and gluten-free. This doesn't mean that I may not be able to enjoy some of my favorite foods on occasion in the future, but for now my diet has been seriously reduced. I'm encouraged that I have a defined plan that should have me feeling better (and hopefully, lighter) soon, but holy cow, this isn't going to be easy. If you have any suggestions or great recipes feel free to share :)

Disconnected

I'm feeling a bit disconnected.

I'm feeling disconnected because I deactivated my facebook profile. I'm not complaining. I don't know how you all manage it, but for me, facebook is a major time-sucker. "Just checking" always turned into at least 15-20 minutes of browsing. And not just 15-20 minutes a day, but 15-20 minutes several times a day. Considering how little free time I have these days, when re-evaluating how to manage my time better, it was obvious that my beloved FB had to go. All in all I'm on the computer FAR less these days, and that also means I'm missing out on all the updates from my friends. I miss the days when the only way we knew what was going on with our friends was to pick up the phone or get together.

I'm feeling disconnected because I have to spend so much time at home. It's a mixed blessing. I love staying at home and I don't even mind going days without leaving the house. I'm a homebody and I find the daily routine much less stressful if I don't have to fit in an outing. But I miss the days when it was just Claire and I and leaving the house wasn't a major production that had to be squeezed in between bottles and naps.

I'm feeling disconnected because Jeff is so busy. He's not home a lot more than normal the next few months, and when he is home, he's still so busy. The few minutes of conversation we get each day are usually about his work or the kids and are always filled with a plethora of interruptions. I miss the days when it was just Jeff and I and we had the time (and quiet) for our conversations to evolve and move past "How was your day, dear?"

I'm feeling disconnected because God hasn't been my centerpiece. He's been a lovely lamp. Glowing, warm, inviting, helpful... but on the end table. I miss the days when I was on fire.

I'm missing a lot of things. I'm not complaining, because all the things I miss can be mine. I'm blessed beyond measure but I still want more.

To my dear friends and family: I'll miss your smiling FB profiles, but I look forward to our real conversations. Let's have patience, Sam's baby days will soon be drawing to an end and our play-dates, lunches, girl's night out and other get-togethers will resume.

To my dear husband: I look forward to dates, vacation and kids sleeping over at grandma's.

To my dear Lord: I know you're still working on me.